Family bonds occupy a very prominent position in one’s life. This is true of both one’s inherited family like parents, siblings, relatives etc. and assumed family like spouse, children, spouse’s relatives etc. One’s whole life revolves around the family whether it is inherited or assumed. When that is so, it becomes imperative to balance this relationship by understanding how it can be utilized for one’s own spiritual progress rather than get consumed by one’s attachment and affections.
The scriptures emphasize on family values like commitment to one's duties, responsibilities, morality etc. as extremely essential to cultivate and nurture. It is all included in karma yoga and are key ingredients of one's effort towards spiritual preparedness by making one more disciplined. Without karma yoga attaining mental preparedness is even said to be impossible. But when this commitment to family becomes excessive it turns out to be a double-edged sword as the scriptures also advise repeatedly against too much attachment to family. When commitment to family values results in unduly excessive attachment bordering on obsession, to one's family members, then it is a hindrance to spiritual progress. Attachment here implies excessive importance, attachment and possessiveness arising due to too much emotional involvement, effectively shrinking the universe or my world view to always revolving around my son, my daughter, my spouse, myrelative, my friend etc... The other consequence of excessive attachment is allowing oneself to be bothered/affected by whatever happens to each member of the family! Whole life revolves around the family alone while largely ignoring the world outside of the family. This kind of contraction turns out to be disastrous for one’s spiritual progress. Such narrowmindedness can become a serious obstacle to one's spiritual growth when it is extended to the extreme. This attitude is what leads to nepotism, preferential treatment, partiality etc. We see this kind of undue attachment to one’s own family causing the downfall of politicians, businessmen and many others, the world over. Tragically people fail to recognize it in themselves. Such attitude is also in violation of the attitude that Lord Krishna recommends in the Bhagavad Gita, for cultivating a contemplative mind conducive for meditation.
As far as spiritual progress is concerned, it is advised to be objective towards one's family and avoid excessive attachment. One fulfills responsibilities dutifully and diligently with love and care but with detachment and objectivity and gradual reduction of emotional involvement. This helps gain spiritual preparedness.
Commitment to family includes growing oneself and helping other family members grow too. Family is a means to the end and not the end itself. Getting stuck to family bonds and attachments and narrowing one’s worldview and priorities to just being centered on the family is not desirable because this is exactly what leads to problems of nepotism etc. This attitude is key to one's mental wellbeing and the right attitude to life. One needs to gracefully grow out of these attachments and we better not let ourselves get stuck there. This gracefully growing out is what is embedded in the order of the 4 stages of life – brahmacharya (student), grhastha (householder), vānaprastha (life of seclusion after retirement dedicated to spiritual practices) and sannyasa (renunciation). One needs to move towards the final stage of renunciation and not get stuck in any of the earlier ones. Like even some people take up babysitting their grandchildren, considering it their foremost duty in old age, under the pretense of fulfilling their duties!
One also needs to recognize that the motive of all relationships is inherently selfish in nature. The Upanishad (Brhadaranyaka) clearly declares that one loves anyone only for one’s own sake and not for the other be it even the closest of relationships like father-son, mother-daughter, husband-wife etc. But one generally likes to think that the family needs me and cannot survive without me but the truth is I need my family primarily for my emotional security cause by attachment and desire. The Upanishad is clear that no one is doing anyone else a favor in a relationship. This is the culprit and needs to be recognized as such and worked on. Otherwise, one is just fooling oneself and holding on to the family under a false pretense. Once recognized it can be let go of.
A very good way to grow out of the attachment to family is by expanding one’s vision of the family construct created in one’s mind to something bigger and eventually extend it all the way to encompass the whole of humanity. This is in accordance with the Vedic dictum – vasudhaiva kutumbakam or the whole world is one family. Even though this will be difficult in the beginning it can be done slowly by enlarging the family to a section of the society, then whole society, then country and eventually the whole world. Then the intense affinity slowly weakens and eventually fades away.
All this is important to keep in mind because it is seen that family commitment is glorified so much in the media that it degenerates into exceedingly family-centric life. The scriptures advise us to temper this commitment, use it for our growth but be wary of the commitment itself consuming and destroying us.